


All Lovers Are Deranged

by ceralynn



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:29:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceralynn/pseuds/ceralynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We have the right to think we're right; we're addicts feigning shame."</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Lovers Are Deranged

"Because I don't know what to do, Dennis!"

Mac's voice has been climbing in pitch for the last five minutes in that way that lets Dennis know the floodgates are opening. He's going to weep and its not going to be short or pretty. Dennis sighs, resigning himself to whatever ridiculous show of emotionality Mac will pull this time.

"There's nothing to do for it, Mac," he practically hisses, repeating the sentiment he knows he's shared at least forty times this night, close to a million times before now. All he wants from Mac is the merciful apathy that's kept them going for more than a decade, that was supposed to last them their entire pitiful existences together.

He wants to Mac to stop crying, Jesus Christ, only that, stop fucking crying.

"I'm tired," Dennis continues, softening his tone imperceptibly. "I'm irritated. I've been doing this for too fucking long."

"Doing.. d-doing what?"

"You know exactly what," he snaps coldly. "It's not as though I've been doing it alone."

Mac falls silent because he does know, deep down in his heart he knows exactly what Dennis is talking about and in a way, Mac is tired, too. But getting too close to those feelings, to the reality they represent gives Mac that deep awful sickness in his gut, like all the sin he keeps shoved down so tightly is seeping out to rest of his body. He shakes his head and comes over to Dennis, who is normally so disturbed by physical intimacy, especially from Mac but he needs this. His hands find Dennis' arms and he rubs them softly, hoping he's being soothing.

"I just want you to be okay again," he says softly, voice rough with tears. "I just want us to be okay."

It's Dennis' time to be quiet, because he hasn't been entirely truthful. There is, in fact, something Mac can do to make this okay, to fix everything and put them on the road back to the precariously managed normalcy they had before.

It leaves his lips before he can stop it, before he can think about what he's doing.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"You know what," Dennis breathes, ashamed to feel the sting of tears in his own eyes now. "I need to hear you say it. Just once."

Mac says nothing as the words fade to silence, are drowned out by the pounding of his own blood in his ears. Because this is the exact opposite of what they need, this is what he goes to church for, why would Dennis take this away from him?

He can't tell how long it is before he responds, how much of a chance Dennis offers him to do what, even in his terror, knows is the Right Thing. But eventually he tears his gaze away from Dennis' pleading eyes, looking to the ground instead.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Dennis doesn't push it. Closure is closure, after all, at least that's his internal mantra as he forces a smile, steps out of Mac's slight embrace.

"Okay. Okay."

He starts away toward the door, no clear idea of where he was going after that. Maybe to the bar, to a club, hell, maybe he'll just drive his Range Rover into the Schuylkill and hope for the best. He makes it to the door, hand on the knob before Mac's voice rings out behind, small as he's ever heard it.

"Den?"

"Yeah?"

"God forgives everything, doesn't he?"

Dennis turns to him, bites back the selection of snide comments that appear in his mind. "Yeah, Mac. He does."

"And He doesn't make mistakes?"

Dennis' hand drops from the doorknob.

"That's right. He doesn't."

Mac is quiet again, pounding of his own heart drowning out any thoughts he could have had, anything he or Dennis could have said.

"I don't want to go to hell," he whispers, finally looking back up to Dennis' face. "I really don't, dude. But.. I don't know. Maybe if we ended up there together, it wouldn't be too bad."

Dennis nods slowly. He can feel tears in his eyes again, feels his heart soaring with the elation usually reserved for successful schemes but he doesn't question it. He can't question anything about this immaculate moment, can hardly believe it's truly happening.

He's not going anywhere. Neither of them are.

"I don't think that'd be very bad at all."

  
  



End file.
